A walk with Bill Gate through Microsoft


After signing a contract in which we promised to use Windows 7 for the next 5 years, without ever being able to change operating systems, finally Bill Gates agreed to give us a pleasant guided tour of the facilities of microdoft, riding a Redmond.
- I hope you did not find the rectal exam uncomfortable at the entrancea- He told us when he saw us arrive. We answered no, what's more, we found it extremely funny. Apparently the security issue is very rigorous in the facilities, since no one can enter or leave, without first going through a thorough rectal exam.
- We have had serious problems in the past and many information leaks, so we must be very cautious.
We were very struck by a certain number of people who queued for the exam, and after taking them, they left again, without entering the facilities. We asked Bill about this, to which he replied:
- And well, not in all places one can receive a free anal exploration.-

The first thing we saw was a strange and destroyed giant slide, it was closed, with a sign that said «forbidden to use«. Asked what that meant, Mr. Gates explained:

- We saw that Google used it so we copied them, but we had to abandon the idea since we don't have a second floor, so to use it, you had to go up to the roof, and the employees didn't like it. In exchange we put a ballplayer in the yard and a trained elephant in the parking lot. Everything is for people to work and have fun. One day I released 350 marmosets in all the offices, it was the same year that we released Windows Vista, I think we relaxed the staff too much, so we had to kill them all. Be careful, we kill the monkeys, not the staff.

We continued walking through the corridors of the facilities until we reached a large room where we could see many programmers, approximately 100 or 200, each one on their PCs, testing some kind of new software, and every two or three seconds, each employee he tapped a button on his desk that sounded a deafening buzzer. The place was totally unbearable, there were 200 employees pressing the button every second.

- This is the evidence room. Every time we create a new application we bring it here, and these gentlemen test it thoroughly to find problems, errors, etc. Every time an employee finds a mistake, he sounds the buzzer.
We asked him what software they were testing:
- Windows 7…. ba, what do I know, I don't work here anymore, I have no idea what they're doing.

We continued walking to another room ahead, where we were surprised to see a handful of monkeys jumping from one end to the other. There was a couple who were hitting another lying on the floor with a stick, who was not moving. Another was in a corner sucking his finger, another ran past dressed as a ballerina.

- Aaa ... here I put the monkeys that we could not kill, they will serve me for something in the future, you never know.

Down the same corridor, we find a small door, no bigger than a meter high, with a closed padlock placed from the outside. We asked him where that door led.

- This is Ballmer's office, we can't disturb him because he's working.
Just as we walked away from the door, we heard a knock and someone calling for help with a weak voice.

The walk was shortly interrupted by Richard Stallman He crossed us down the hall, stopped to greet Gates, and continued on his way. Bill greeted him reluctantly. We asked him what he was doing Richard Stallman here, to which he replied:

- She always comes to screw us, she likes to show us her achievements in our faces… .aaa but when I hit her with something, I assure you that I am going to spend the whole day at her house bothering her. A, y also likes to come here for the rectal exam.

Almost finishing the walk through the corridor, and now near the exit door, we dared to ask Gates how he spends his time all day since he no longer works there at Microsoft.

- I like to do this- he answered and made the ram tomb against a corner, standing upright looking at the wall. - I discovered that this way is the most suitable to be able to read people's minds. I assure you that I have tried everything but this position is the most appropriate.

This is how we ended our visit to the facilities of Microsoft, obviously, without first going through the rectal examination.

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  1.   seth said

    One could have gone alone, but you speak in the plural so I guess the rest was for the rectal examination
    Since when do they barde Microsoft like this? they were always more objective

  2.   I am said

    One could have gone alone, but you speak in the plural so I guess the rest was for the rectal examination
    Since when do they barde Microsoft like this? they were always more objective

    Next week we visit Stallman's house

  3.   seth said

    They're going to have to eat the garbage off their feet: P

  4.   chuppy said

    hahahaha is good and ingenious waiting for Mr. Ricardo

  5.   Leek said

    Poor little monkeys, rest in peace ... Microsoft is a monkey killer ...

  6.   Hygo said

    That Stallman, have him do the rectal exam himself. It doesn't have to bother Mic's

  7.   zamuro57 said

    hahaha, what a good laugh the post, what is this and the interview with ballmer, are one of the best,

  8.   Nacho said

    mmmmm rectal examination? I already said that that way of assfucking had to have a long practice behind it ...

    @seth, I'm with you, it seems that now I'm accepting checks from Linus Tolvards or something like that ¬¬ (Inquisitive look)

    @ Ffuentes, if I'm still like this, it's going to be your turn to be the voice that defends Microsoft ...

    xD Good post and greetings

  9.   Caesar Salad said

    Ha ha. Very good. Let's hope those remaining monkeys fix Windows sometime.

  10.   Alejo_4002 said

    Haha…. COOL!!!

    Note that I do not hate Mic, I just think they are very screwed up people.

  11.   rheoba said

    hehe what a technique that of bill gates to read minds xD ...

    Excellent post: P Un 10 Esty… I'll wait for the visit to Stallman's house…

    PS we already know how Windows 7 comes then xD

  12.   Diego Sleeping Outside said

    how big !,
    I look forward to visiting Stallman

  13.   Mario raimondi said

    They say in the Redmond Post that they sat 2000 billion chimpanzees, each in front of a PC almost 10 years ago. After writing (unfinished) Shakespeare's plays, they were able to complete and finish… Windows Vista. It was a probabilistic question. Excellent Post.

  14.   colossus said

    Juajuajuajua I laughed a lot!